Tuesday, 9 October 2012

I sing the cattle prod, electric

It is, of course, all too easy to perch smugly in a literary ivory tower and pour buckets of gently steaming condescension on to those bestselling phenomena such as Fifty Shades of Grey.  So easy, in fact, (apart from simultaneously perching and pouring, which requires at least intermediate yoga skills) that often it is not even deemed necessary to have actually sullied one's sensitive eyes and mind with these writings in order to effect and justify such deluges.  It is with this warning of smug, blinkered elitism flashing before me that I joyfully and without irony embrace the news that Fifty Shades of Grey is being converted from the literary to the celluloid medium. And it is in an entirely altruistic frame of mind, and being fully aware of the positive effects such titles have in boosting the economy of the books business and luring shoals of readers into a more general sense of literary appreciation, that I offer my humble assistance in suggesting some content for what we must all hope will be the next step in the development of this work - Fifty Shades, The Musical.  In no particular order, the songs which suggest themselves are:

Chained Melody
Spank You for Being a Friend
Flagellator, Alligator
You always Hurt the one you Love
Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport (for when things get a little more inter-species)

and, of course, any theme from James Bondage.

All this makes me wonder if the publishers have also thought about a pop-up version?

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